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Crystal Crusader Essentials

The Past:

1932: York Barbell Company pioneers the mass production of barbells and brings physical culture into the mainstream. 

1954: The USSR's Weightlifting team dominates the Olympics after incorporating anabolic steroids into their training regimen.

2015: Young women discover they can earn a living posting videos of themselves performing glute bridges and hip thrusts on social media.

The Present:

None of these can can compare to the landmark event we are about to witness. 

2022: The birth of Crystal Pump, an elixir so potent it simply cannot just be labeled a "preworkout". Formulated from the highest quality ingredients and designed to maximize performance in every aspect. Skin splitting pumps, infinite energy, laser-like focus, increased male vitality; all contained within a single scoop.

The Solution:

Gone are the days of washing down Guatemalan mail-order ADHD medication and gas station d*ck pills with an energy drink just to drag yourself to the gym to go through the motions during an uninspired workout. 1 serving of Crystal Pump will give you the mental clarity of a chess grandmaster, the vascularity and muscular fullness of an IFBB pro, the sexual vitality of the average man before they fluoridated public water supplies and the boundless energy of a mall kiosk worker harassing women with lotion samples. Crystal Pump, the pinnacle* of fitness supplementation.

 *besides actual roids